


Reverberations

by Inkera



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Mention of addiction, Minor Injuries, Minor Violence, Self-Harm, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:28:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24368887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkera/pseuds/Inkera
Summary: An untold account of the years following the Corruption.Pearl tries to deal with the guilt of assisting with Pink Diamond's staged shattering, while the surviving Crystal Gems try to heal in their own way - and hurt each other in the process.-Tumblr: inkera0
Relationships: Garnet & Pearl (Steven Universe), Garnet & Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), Past Pearl/Rose Quartz, Pearl & Rose Quartz (Steven Universe)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	Reverberations

**Author's Note:**

> Just to get this out of the way, not a happy ending for the Pearl/Rose ship, as we know from the series. 
> 
> I really wanted to explore how guilty Pearl and Rose must have felt after pretty much causing the Corruption, and how they deal with that in different ways. Hope you enjoy!

The night Pearl decided to help Pink Diamond fake her shattering, she didn’t fully understand at the time how her actions would set everything into motion. Like a stone cast into a still pond, her decision sent ripples through time that would eventually morph into mountainous waves, destroying everything in its path ruthlessly and without prejudice. 

The first obvious consequence was the Corruption. 

She remembered the days leading up to it with vivid clarity - how the silk-like texture of Rose’s hand felt in hers as the larger gem swept her off her feet, dancing along to a melody only the two of them were privy to. Fireflies twirled along with them in the darkness, while a warm, summer breeze rustled through the towering treetops that encircled their forest clearing. It was a cloudless night, and Pearl could’ve gotten herself lost in the countless stars if she wasn’t so enraptured with the shimmering depths of Rose’s eyes. 

They were _free_ \- from their double lives, from all the necessary lies, and from their past mistakes.

In that moment, as Rose caressed Pearl’s cheek to draw her into an earnest kiss, they were finally free to remake themselves into gems worthy of their titles - the Rebellion Leader and her Terrifying Renegade. 

No more lies, and no more guilt. 

Days later on the battlefield, she was proven wrong in the worst way possible. 

Rose always had a strong grip, but Pearl didn’t realize exactly how strong until the larger gem pulled her against her will behind a familiar pink shield. Pearl had been trying to reach the nearby Carnelian - a tiny quartz with a heart of steel that she admired and adored; _lost and defective gems gotta stick together_ , the reddish gem would say in jest - but with a flash of sickening, white light, Carnelian was gone with the rest of their comrades. 

She remembered hearing a shrill, high-pitched scream just barely audible over all the chaos. At first, she couldn’t recognize where it was coming from. It was only after her throat burned from choking on leftover smoke and ash that she realized it was her own distraught cry. 

When the mayhem died down to an awful silence, a pang of self-indulgent hatred grew within Pearl toward the indestructible leader who prevented her from saving her friend, whose selfish actions provoked the most powerful beings in the universe, until that same loathing was instead directed inwardly and morphed into a fusion along with her festering guilt and regret.

If she had refused to go along with Rose’s plan that night, maybe the Diamonds wouldn’t have retaliated.

Maybe her friends would still be here. 

Another repercussion reared its ugly head mere days later when Garnet blamed herself, having a tendency to put too much responsibility on her own shoulders. She was split for an entire month for failing to predict the Corruption - the longest Pearl had seen, even thousands of years later. 

The moment she fractured into a devastated Sapphire and Ruby, Rose had fallen silent, her face frozen in agony. Behind their backs, with the two smaller gems inconsolable and Rose willfully oblivious, Pearl, with a confession about to force its way out, had squeezed her own throat as hard as she could so that no words could ever see the light of day, nails digging into the soft flesh and drawing pinpricks of blood. Her form had glowed and threatened to poof from the emotional and physical strain.

Even if she _had_ poofed, reforming wouldn’t be nearly enough to fix the irreparable damage to her soul. 

When Sapphire took off deeper into the forest with Rose chasing after, Ruby and Pearl were left behind with the red gem’s tortured sobbing filling the air. 

“I’m so sorry, Ruby.” Pearl’s hoarse voice tasted like ash in her mouth. “She’ll come back. You’ll see.”

“You don’t understand,” cried Ruby, hands flying up to cover clenched eyes. “She’s never been this upset before.”

“Ruby…”

“Maybe if I wasn’t there to distract her, she would’ve seen it coming.”

“You’re not a distraction.”

“I am!” Ruby was sobbing now, shoulders shaking as she collapsed to her knees. “I’m just a dumb ruby soldier. Everyone’s better without me. I’m so worthless…”

“Ruby, I...” whispered Pearl, voice hitching. “I’m so sorry.” Each cry from her friend was like a dagger in Pearl’s heart, twisting the guilt deeper and deeper, and when she couldn’t take it anymore, she did the only thing she knew how to in Rose’s absence and took off in the other direction.

Pearl realized much later that she left the tiny gem on her own for the first time in her short life.

Later that year, Pearl and Garnet sat alone together for the first time since the war on a cliff overlooking the battlefield. 

“Ruby and Sapphire came to an understanding. There was nothing more they could’ve done, and now they can face that truth together.” 

“I hope Ruby knows that... I’m sorry for running away.”

“She’s already forgiven you. Now you’ll have to learn to forgive yourself.”

In the distance, tiny tufts of grass and weeds had started to grow, dispersed along the graves of the fallen, as if to erase the tragedy that occurred and pretend like nothing had ever happened. 

Pearl knew she should feel relieved that life was able to continue and flourish in even the darkest of times, but all she could feel was envy toward the thriving organic lifeforms that changed as if second nature. She, on the other hand, was stuck in a single moment - the weight of a sword in her hand, the distraught screams of enemy gems filling the air, and the point of a diamond digging into her shapeshifted palm. 

Upon noticing and recognizing the lost, unseeing gaze on her friend’s face, Garnet had pulled the smaller gem into an embrace.

During the war, Pearl found solace in the quiet moments she and Garnet shared together. However, comfort was the furthest thing from her mind as she trailed her eyes over the discarded weapons that littered the ground below her. The voices came back in that moment - the screams of the damned and the souls who demanded retribution that haunted her every waking hour. Her weakness overpowered the walls put into place, and she broke down, tears soaking the fusion’s shoulder like the metaphorical blood on her hands. 

Garnet whispered what was supposed to be soothing words - _it’s not your fault, you couldn’t have known_ \- but they only served to further amplify the smaller gem’s cries.

Rose spent a lot of that same year alone, going off on her own to do stars knows what, sometimes coming back with a bubbled gem and sometimes empty-handed but with weary, bloodshot eyes. Sometimes she came back unharmed but with a foreign scent trailing in her wake - a scent that Pearl would realize later reeked of the human beings native to this planet. She never bothered with Pearl anymore - never danced or shared tender kisses with her beneath the glimmering stars. Rose failed to meet her eyes most nights, even when they were alone. 

Pearl convinced herself she deserved it, choosing to stow the hurt in a deep, dark place - untouched and forgotten. 

Centuries passed, civilizations rose and fell, and Pearl found herself taking more and more risks at her own expense. She didn’t always mean to, and she didn’t always regret it afterward, but with each moment of her potential shattering came a sense of calm that would mute the accusing voices which flooded her mind. 

The quiet was addicting, and Pearl would always go back for more.

The most notable time was the day she and Garnet went on a mission to investigate reports of a carnivorous sandworm - the details provided by local inhabitants having all the implications of a corrupted gem monster. Rose insisted she chase another lead alone and left before either of the other two gems could object. Not that it would have changed anything; Rose hadn’t gone on a mission with them in ages. 

There was an ongoing theory among gemkind that the placement of one’s gem indicated her personality - a gem on the forehead predicted intelligence and thoughtfulness, much like a gem on the palm would show desire and aspiration. 

As the sandworm breached the dry desert surface with a shriek, Pearl recognized a familiar crimson gem embedded in the center of its chest. Carnelian was known by her friends to be fearless in her love for others to the point of being nosey and overbearing at times, but as Pearl stood gaping in horror at the monstrosity before her, her friend’s quirky but lovable nature - indicated by a gem located over her heart - was nowhere to be found.

It took Garnet to knock Pearl off her feet and out of the way of a sharp, toothy demise for her to come to her senses. 

“Wake _up_ , Pearl!” The fusion had fired off a few shots with her fists to attract the sandworm’s attention away from her teammate. “I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not her! Not like this.”

It took Garnet almost being swallowed whole for Pearl to jump in front at the last second and pierce the giant worm through the mouth. Razor sharp teeth scratched and scrambled along the smaller gem’s forearms, leaving deep long gashes. Pearl shoved the spear forward with a cry until it exited the back of the worm’s head, poofing it in a cloud of smoke once and for all. 

As much as she relished the resulting quiet in her head, she tried to ignore the trembling in her hands as she caught and bubbled the gem, much like she tried to ignore Garnet’s furious glare on the walk to the nearest warp pad, leaving a dripping trail of blue in their wake. 

Back at the temple later that night, after the wounds on Pearl’s arms had been wrapped (Pearl refused to show Rose the extent of her injuries), Garnet had confronted the rebellion leader and wasn’t subtle about it. Her words echoed and carried harshly toward where Pearl was perched in the sand around the corner, watching the gentle waves upon the shore and playing with the bandaging on her arm as an afterthought. 

“This is exactly how it was during the war, except you’re never around!”

“Garnet…”

“She’s going to be shattered at this rate! You have to do something - she doesn’t listen to me anymore.”

Rose’s soft voice didn’t carry as much over the faint, ebbing tides upon the shore, but Pearl could still make out the words. “I’ll talk to her. I think I know what’s going on.”

“Good.”

Footsteps receded further into the temple, but another pair accompanied the soft swish of sand being kicked up as it made its way to Pearl’s spot on the shore. A sweet, flowery scent danced along the ocean breeze, filling the smaller gem with a nostalgic sense of comfort and longing, as Rose settled in beside her with a soft sigh. 

Too much time had passed since they last spoke. Pearl wondered if they would ever be as close as they once were. There was an unspoken gap between the two of them now - both figuratively and literally - and as much as Pearl wanted to reach across the sand to intertwine their fingers together again, a flash of white light across a battlefield and the mindless roars of corrupted friends stilled her hand. 

Rose had been the first to speak. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I know what you’re doing. You think I don’t blame myself, too?”

Pearl had glanced up then, surprised to find the other gem’s eyes glistening with tears in the moonlight. “Rose…”

“What’s done is done. All we can do now is live for the future.”

“It’s not that easy.” Pearl buried her face in her hands, the heels of her palms digging in, flashing sparks behind her eyelids. Wetness spilled out and rolled down her cheeks. “It’s never been that easy.”

“No, it’s not going to be easy. But at least we have each other.”

“Do we?” An old familiar anger welled up in Pearl, and she slammed her fist on the pliable sand with a thump. Her injuries strained but held together, and to her left, Rose gave an almost imperceptible wince. “We barely see each other anymore. You can barely look me in the eyes!”

“Pearl...”

“Whenever you do come back, you stink of those humans you love so much, and I just…” She was sobbing at this point, breath hitching over her words. “I just need to know. Did you mean what you said that night? Or did you just say those things so I would go along with your plan?”

“Of course I meant them!” Rose urgently reached over with two hands and closed them over the pale gem’s clenched fist that was partly buried in the sand, gently prying open trembling fingers. Pearl still couldn’t bring herself to raise her eyes from the crashing waves as Rose stroked a thumb over the back of her hand. “Pearl, you’re wonderful, and a much better gem than I. I’m... sorry I’ve been avoiding you. Seeing you reminded me of all the horrible things I’ve done and all the things I’ve dragged you into. But... you can’t possibly fathom how much you mean to me.”

“But…”

“I’ve done things.” Rose lowered her voice to a whisper, and the thumb on the back of Pearl’s hand stilled. “Things in the past that I regret. That I can’t ever hope to make up for. But you were there to show me a better way of living.”

“I don’t understand.”

“That’s okay.” Rose let out a humorless laugh, and Pearl wondered if she missed the joke. “It’s better that you don’t.”

Pearl met her eyes this time, searching. As the ocean waves lapped at the shore, she sat in muted resignation at how the other gem’s dark orbs reflected the same emotions Pearl has been struggling with since that fateful night. “Rose…”

“Yes?”

“Does it ever get better?”

“I don’t know.” Rose replied, interlacing their fingers together. “I don’t know if it _can_ get better. But please understand, Pearl. You mean the world to me, so please take care of yourself. At least… let me heal you.”

“...Okay.”

The pink haired woman gently unraveled the stained bandages to reveal several ugly lacerations extending from Pearl’s elbow all the way to her wrist on both arms. The skin was already beginning to knit together, but just the sight of the injuries caused Rose’s breath to hitch with sympathy. As the other gem started to sob, Pearl let the teardrops work their magic and embraced the tingling sensation in her arms as they became whole once again. 

“Will you stay?” Pearl whispered. She wished Rose would stop running away - from both her and their shared transgression. But was it fair of Pearl to ask when Rose had been running since the moment they met? 

“I promise. I will never leave you.”

The following kiss was hesitant at first, then turned to one of desperation, neither of them wanting to let the other go in fear she would disappear forever. Time would eventually reveal that no matter how much weight was once put behind those words, they would turn out to be as fleeting as the dandelion seeds drifting along the sea breeze.

**Author's Note:**

> How does gem physiology work?? Lol, I always assumed it must be fairly similar since they get tired, can blush, & you see Amethyst eating all the time, even though their bodies are made out of light. Oh well. 
> 
> Any concrit is welcomed and encouraged, and if anyone is interested in beta reading the next chapters, pls let me know!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
